This video got me thinking and those thoughts have turned into a very long blog where I overshare and use a lot of words that don’t really lead to a conclusion!

Could I be autistic as well as having ADHD?

When first suggested to me at age 48, the ADHD explanation surprised me because I love lists and spreadsheets and order. And I hate clutter – it stresses me out big time! However, looking back at my childhood and early adulthood struggles it made sense, and I assumed my orderly obsession was a mechanism I had developed to cope. Now I am less sure!

When I was a little kid in the 1970s autism was barely on the radar, never mind ADHD. In my case, Autism was dismissed fairly early on. Those around me knew something was amiss but hoped I’d grow out of it. I never did – I just learned to better hide the crazy and act more normal. I think everyone must have realised on some level that my ‘tantrums’ as a 12yr old were more than me just being a brat. They were out of control and they scared me. I was horribly ashamed of my meltdowns – it is like being possessed and I’d say some pretty nasty things and break things.

Perhaps because I turned my frustration to self abuse (verbal mostly, and less often physical) and because I was able to contain much of it to the home I never got in enough trouble for any kind of intervention to be called for. Also it was the 1980s!