I feel like an imposter in many areas of my life, but the most interesting is how I feel with respect to the neurodiversity community. I am a child of the 1970s, and when my mum tried to figure out what was ‘wrong’ with me she was told I was just ‘highly-strung’ or, regarding my meltdowns, that I’d ‘grow out of them’. I never did!

I switched off at school around age 11. I remember taking great pride in not doing homework and rarely participating in classroom activities, but because I was not disruptive I was left alone. I was truant a lot in my teens and officially left school at 16. I thought school was stupid, but I knew I was not stupid. However, I was very ignorant and uneducated, and when I returned to academia in my mid-twenties I had a lot of catching up to do. I taught myself and learned how I learn and perform best. Although I figured out some working strategies, exams I always struggled with. Happily, essays and reports I excelled at well enough to maintain respectable overall grades.   

At university, in 1998, I got a dyslexia diagnosis. I took the test because someone told me I might get a computer out of it. I did not get the computer, but I did get unlimited printing and extra exam time. The former was most helpful, but the latter I refused. I never owned this as a disability because I did not struggle in the same way as some of my dyslexic relatives. I now question my dyslexia diagnosis because it is transient and context-specific. However, on a practical level, this does not matter. Regardless, I will continue using the techniques I have developed and hide the fact that I do things a little differently.

Last year I followed up a formal AD(H)D diagnosis. I did this primarily because we realized in counseling I sometimes self-medicate, and my counselor suggested talking to my psychiatrist about changing up my medication. I also found it fascinating to learn about myself! Somehow, I had figured out how to function in the world as a ‘normal’ person – some coping mechanisms were not so healthy, but mostly they were techniques that seem very similar to those I see promoted by professionals today. And a lot of things in my life suddenly started to make more sense!

One reason I feel like an imposter is that I cannot relate to those who were diagnosed in childhood or early adulthood. I’ve always made my own accommodations and adjustments. And while I might have benefited from a bit of help 35 yrs ago, I don’t need anything now that I cannot provide for myself. Does the fact that I did it alone mean my struggles were not real enough?

I feel if there really was something ‘wrong’ with me, then I would be living out of a shopping cart, or cleaning toilets like my high-school chemistry teacher predicted! I am afraid of being called out by someone who has ‘real AD(H)D’ – someone who really does have a disability and could not have succeeded without help. I don’t consider myself to have a disability and don’t care for the ‘funny how everyone has ADHD these days’ comments or unsolicited opinions about overdiagnosis.

However, I would love to connect with others who experience similar struggles and have relatable quirks.